Stages of Grief -
Our Reaction to Personal Loss.

The emotion of grief is something which comes out of left field. One moment everything is normal, and then Pow, almost unbearable emotional pain.

You didn't know you could hurt so bad!

No matter what anyone says or does makes little difference. It is private and personal, and it won't go away.

You may find it strange to discus grief in a personal development course, but the reality is that you are going to experience grief sooner or later.

My purpose in expressing grief in its stages is to show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel - there is hope - there will again be happiness.

You can't prevent the birds of sorrow circling over your head.
But you can prevent them from building a nest!

The grief that follows a great loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process, in fact as you progress through the five stages you will learn much about yourself.

Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a personal tragedy or a loss of some kind. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a pet, loss of a limb, even intense disappointment can be the cause of grief.

There is no scale to grief, no "it was only a pet", "well you were expecting it anyway"! Grief is grief. Understanding doesn't help, sympathy doesn't help. We can only be supportive of the grieving person as they travel the path of their grief.

Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance.

1. Denial and Isolation.
   At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place. This can't be happening to me. This is not in my script. For a time, we may withdraw from our usual social contacts. We internalize and keep it to ourselves. Grief can be a very personal thing. This stage may last a few moments, or weeks.






2. Anger.
   The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. How dare this happen to me, me! What have I done to deserve something like this. We may be angry with ourself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.






3. Bargaining.
   Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"





4. Depression/Guilt.
   The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath. If only - If only I had done this, or if only I had said that.






5. Acceptance.
   This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.

The stages of grief are a journey which we must travel, the time taken for the journey can vary from a day or two to months. In some societies the grieving process is very formalised with the stages of grieving being part of the culture.

Providing we move from one stage to another the grieving process is normal, however, sometimes people get "stuck" in one of the stages of grief, and could spend the rest of their lives there. These people should receive counseling to help them move on.

Often when a person cannot get past one of the stages of grief, they end up being diagnosed with depression which may be a result, but the cause of many depressions is a case of grief.

The strength of these feelings is what often takes us unawares. Feelings of grief are probably the most powerful feelings we can experience, and are so powerful that our bodies react physically.

Yet denial of the feelings, and refusing to work through the five stages, is harder on the body and mind than going through them.

When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Such well meaning advice should be taken for what it is - an expression of caring, ie. sympathy.

If we are able to relate to how a grieving person feels, then we are in a position to be empathetic and supportive, otherwise, there is little we can do to to help.

The grieving person is simply going to have to work their own way through the five stages on their own - as they will anyway.

Grief is such a personal experience - one which we all experience sooner or later in our lives, that it is difficult to map it out. You and I will react quite differently to a similar event and take our own time to progress through each of the stages.

Nothing can take away the memory of what has occurred, however, if the person involved has become competent at using E.F.T. ,Gary Craigs Emotional Freedom Technique, the pain associated with the emotions of grief can be removed.

It is not our memories which are painful, it is the negative emotions which we attach to them which hurt.

The emphasis of Emotional Freedom Technique is on removing the negative fears and emotions which are connecting you to the past, so that you can move forward unencumbered by yesterdays baggage.

I can personally vouch for the effectiveness of E.F.T. in coping with the trauma of grief.

The stages of grief are a journey which we must travel, but it is a journey which can be made without excruciating emotional pain.

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