Anger Management

Now, I am going to keep it all very simple here, because to a self aware person it is simple.

However to a person with a low level of self awareness, anger cam be a constant companion.

We all suffer from anger to a greater or lesser degree.

The triggers which cause an angry response are different for each of us.

We become angry because of we react emotionally to a person or situation which we do not like or approve.

Our anger may range from mild annoyance to murderous total out of control rage.

So first, let us take a look at anger itself to see what it is about anger management we are trying to manage.

Anger :

• Annoyance
• Rage
• Fuming
• Furious
• Incensed
• Infuriated
• Insulted
• Irate
• Irritated
• Pissed Off

The severity of our anger which is determined by our reaction to and event occurs at several levels.

The levels of anger are :

• Mild irritation
• Indignation
• Wrath
• Fury
• Rage

Depending on the severity of the anger episode, we do not have to progress though all these levels.

Often we can opt out of the cycle at the level of irritation or indignation.

Anger progresses in a well defined cycle of several stages.

The stages of Anger are :

• Your blood pressure rises
• Your heart rate increases
• Fight or flight hormones are released
• Energy - emotional or physical is released

Because of this hormonal response some people do not return to a normal state of calm after this process, but can remain in a state of heightened alert for hours, wound up like a spring ready to lash out.

Anger progresses in a well defined cycle of several stages.

The Anger Cycle :

• Trigger
• Emotional Reaction
• Intensification - Hormone Release
• Physical Reaction
• Outlet of energy
• Abatement
• Remorse or Justification

The time required to progress through this cycle can be from seconds to days, depending on the severity of our emotional reaction and our personality makup.

It is important to understand this cycle whist we are progressing through.

Understanding gives us options and control over our anger management.

Results of Uncontrolled Anger :

• Blaming
• Loss of Control
• Destructiveness
• Threats
• Irrational Behavior
• Vengeance

There are both good and bad ways in which we can vent our anger.

The results of uncontrolled anger listed above represent the bad ways - when acted upon!

Acting upon these emotions is almost certainly going to result in hurt or harm to ourselves or others.

Suppressing anger is almost as bad, because it leads to frustration, stress and other health threatening conditions.

Note : "Frustration is when we supress the desire to strangle some one who we feel totally deserves it!"

The point is, that whilst we feel that a violent course of action is called for, this is purely our personal subjective point of view whilst we are in the grip of our negative emotions.

So given that we are angry - at who or for what is not important - we have this anger and we have to get rid of it.

If we suppress our anger it will come out in some other way.

Often a health issue such as headaches, stomach problems and many other stress related ailmants can be traced to suppressed anger.

Being angry means that we have built up a head of steam which we must vent in a safe manner.

I do not like gender generalisations, however, in many societies men and women have been conditioned to handle their anger differently.

If boys have a conflict on the playground, they may act it out with their fists.

Indeed, anger in men is often viewed as "masculine", resulting in physical agressive behavoir.

Girls on the other hand have been encouraged to suppress their anger.

Women usually get the message that anger is unpleasant and unfeminine, resulting in their anger being misdirected in passive-aggressive maneuvers such as sulking or destructive gossip.

Again let me add that these are broad generalisations.

Anger management comes in two forms.

The first is to develop a higher level of self awareness so as to not react to anger triggers in the first place.

Secondly, once we have already reacted to an anger trigger and the fight or flight hormones are raging through our body, we need to find a physical outlet for the resulting energy.

The first point is self responsibility.

Others do not make us angry.

Our reaction to an anger trigger is purely of our own making.

Anger mangagement is an exercise in self awareness.

Breaking the anger cycle begins with developing awareness of your personal triggers and identifying opportunities to change your reactions.

The earlier in the cycle you start trying to respond differently, the greater your chances for success.

Go to Anger Management Techniques

Return from Anger Management